Jack Sparrow, be it known that you have been charged, tried and convicted for your willful commission of crimes against the crown. Said crimes being numerous in quantity and sinister in nature. The most grievous of these to be cited herewith: piracy, smuggling, impersonating an officer of the Spanish Royal Navy, impersonating a cleric of the Church of England. Sailing under false colors, arson, kidnapping, looting, poaching, pilfering, depravity, depredation and general lawlessness. And for these crimes you have been sentenced to be, on this day, hung by the neck until dead. May God have mercy on your soul.